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We fall down, but we get up

Don't give up, get back up again

A couple of years ago a famous gospel singer by the name of Donnie McClurkin came out with a song based on Proverbs 24: 16 which says, “For a righteous man may fall seven times And rise again” and the name of the song was “We fall down”. When It first came out I really didn’t like it too much because my thoughts were that it will enable and give excuse to believers to sin. Now I know I am suppose to be writing about my journey in weight loss and not about verses in the Bible but this song really helped me on my journey because BOY have I fallen down when it comes to my healthy lifestyle change. This past month has been very very very very very difficult for me in all aspects of my life. Me and my family are facing some very tough financial challenges. On top of that I am really fighting with my spiritual life. Not that I have given up on God or anything like that, He has invested too much in me for me to give up, but I am working on trying to get this hunger for Him back and not think about the cares of this world. You see, when I worry and start thinking about certain things I tend to eat, and eat A LOT. I have eaten from Little Ceasars Pizza and McDonalds so many times its sad. Hey genius, here’s a thought, why don’t you stop eating from those places and stop wasting money, ever thought of that, huh? Anyway…. back to this song…It was foolish of me to have that first thought about not liking that song. Ever since I have heard it again, now that I am on this journey, it has really given me the confidence and the encouragement to keep pressing on. Not to give up. Now I have a better understanding of the song and the scripture. I have been trying to do this journey without HIM. I am going to need all the help I can get and apart from HIM I can do nothing. This journey has really been a learning process for me. I am learning a lot about myself. I am learning that I am not who I thought I was. I have been seeing who I really am over these last couple of weeks. Some good and some bad. But now I know that if I ever fall, I can just get back up again. Now there is a silver lining in this cloud and that is I have dropped down 2…count them 1…2… suit sizes! I couldn’t believe it. It was one of my favorite suits that I use to love wearing but I couldn’t fit in it anymore because of the weight I gained. But I saw it hanging in the closet and I said “What the heck, try it on” and sure enough it fit. I was so happy I wanted to keep it on all day and night. So be encouraged my friends and always get back up and learn from your failures. New pics of me coming up shortly. I love you all and appreciate all of you who follow me. If anyone is interested in hearing the song, click on the link below.


Looks can be deceiving

Not having a scale at home to weigh myself is kind of bitter sweet. I want one to see how I am doing, but then, I don’t want one to see how I am doing. If I had one I would be on it every freakin’ day, which is not good to do because I get frustrated easily, and if I didn’t like what I saw on the scale it would be slammed somewhere and shattered into pieces or I would toss it like a frisbee into the beautiful mosquito ridden pond right behind my home. So now I am using clothes that no longer fit to see my progress.  I have some outfits in my closet that I use to love wearing but they don’t really fit anymore because of my Shamu like figure. I keep telling myself, “One day, one freakin’ day your going to fit back into those clothes.” But since I have no scale, when I look at myself in the mirror I am thinking, “Man! It doesn’t look like your loosing jack squat. Did you get bigger? Wow, I really don’t see much change going on.” But I have been feeling great. I have been power walking 2 miles for 6 days straight over the past couple of weeks. I have also changed my eating portions and fully chewing my food instead of


T-Rex from Jurassic Park

swallowing food whole like the T-Rex did to that poor goat in the movie Jurassic Park. Do you remember when they lowered that poor cow into the Velociraptor paddock and you couldn’t see what was going on but you saw the bushes and the little trees swaying back and forth with the raptors making these loud growling noises while they were eating, and eating quickly like they haven’t eaten in days? Yea, I make those same sounds when I eat and I also seem to think I am in an eating contest for some darn reason. I would always eat fast. Like no matter where I would go to eat whether it be with my family or friends I would try to eat slow and not be the first one to finish, and also try not make those growling noises while I ate, so people wouldn’t think I was a slob. But no matter how hard I tried to eat slow, I couldn’t. I also didn’t know how to stop when I was full. I ate so much food at one time for so long that I have to learn how to know when my body is telling me that it’s full. Being full to me is when I have to fall into a coma, I can’t lift the utensil into my mouth, and I can’t breathe anymore. That’s when I thought I had eaten enough. But I am doing so much better now. I can tell know when my stomach is full and it definitely helps to eat slower. OK, so back to the clothes. The other day while the

image Velociraptor feeding paddock

baby was sleeping I decided to put on a suit that doesn’t fit. When I tried to put it on a couple months ago, the dress pants were looking like skinny jeans on me and I couldn’t even think about buttoning them without having a weapons permit on me because of the probability of the button flying out like a projectile and killing someone. OK, maybe not that tight but they were more than snug on me. But when I put them on this time they fit. I couldn’t believe it. I went down 2 suit sizes! I couldn’t believe it. Even though it doesn’t look like I loss weight, when I put on certain clothes, they fit better. That’s a pretty darn good feeling. If your trying to loose weight, don’t get frustrated. Its going to take time. I would pray to God that when I woke up in the morning I would somehow be the weight I should be and would have the nerve to be pissed off in the morning when I was still fat. How ridiculous is that? Just like it took time for me to put on this weight, it is going to take time to lose it also. Love you guys and thank you for all of your love, support, and patience. Now I have to get back to studying and keeping an eye on my 1 year old. Love,  Peace, and hair grease y’all.

Healthy brain/brain from obese person

Healthy brain/brain from obese person

For those of us who are struggling with being overweight or obesity, the following article I just read from biologist Olivia Judson on the effects of obesity on the brain was a real eye opener. I can’t speak for everybody but I know that it is hard for me to really concentrate and stay focused on a lot of things such as reading, writing, praying, and etc. So here is the article I read earlier this week from Olivia Judson that I want to share with you.

Being fat is bad for your brain.

That, at least, is the gloomy conclusion of several recent studies. For example, one long-term study of more than 6,500 people in northern California found that those who were fat around the middle at age 40 were more likely to succumb to dementia in their 70s. A long-term study in Sweden found that, compared to thinner people, those who were overweight in their 40s experienced a more rapid, and more pronounced, decline in brain function over the next several decades.

Consistent with this, the brains of obese people often show signs of damage. One study of 60 healthy young adults (in their 20s and 30s) found that the fatter members of the group had significantly lower gray-matter densities in several brain regions, including those involved in the perception of taste and the regulation of eating behavior. A study of 114 middle-aged people (aged between 40 and 66) found that the obese tended to have smaller, more atrophied brains than thinner people; other studies have found similar results.

Brains usually atrophy with age, but being obese appears to accelerate the process. This is bad news: pronounced brain atrophy is a feature of dementia.

Why fatness should affect the brain in this way is not clear, although a host of culprits have been suggested. A paper published this week in the early edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences has identified a gene that seems to be involved. FTO, as the gene is known, appears to play a role in both body weight and brain function. This gene comes in different versions; one version — let’s call it “troublesome”— appears to predispose people to obesity. Individuals with two copies of the troublesome version tend to be fatter than those with only one copy of it, who in turn tend to be fatter than those with two copies of the “regular” version. Now, the troublesome form has been linked to atrophy in several regions of the brain, including the frontal lobes, though how and why it has this effect remains unknown.

But genes are not the only guilty parties. Obesity exacerbates problems like sleep apnea, which can result in the brain being starved of oxygen; this can lead to brain damage. Obesity often goes along with high blood pressure, heart disease and diabetes, all of which are bad for the brain in their own right. Indeed, one study has shown that if, in middle age, you are obese and have high blood pressure, the two problems gang up on you, increasing the chances of your getting dementia in old age more than either one would do on its own.

Fat tissue itself may be a problem. Fat cells secrete hormones like leptin; leptin acts on the brain in a variety of ways, and is thought to play a role in the development of Alzheimer’s. Obesity may thus disrupt the normal production of leptin, with dangerous results. Fat cells also secrete substances that cause inflammation; chronic inflammation of the brain, which is often found in the obese, impairs learning and memory and is also a feature of Alzheimer’s.

Diet may play a role, too. Studies in mice have shown that eating a very-high-fat diet increases brain inflammation and disrupts brain function. And the onset of brain decay may itself play a part. Since the regions of the brain most affected by obesity appear to be those involved in self-control and the regulation of appetite, erosion of these abilities may lead to greater obesity, which may lead to more rapid brain erosion, in a downward spiral.

Whatever the causes, the implications are grave. In the United States today, around one-third of adults are obese. At the same time, dementia is already one of the most costly and devastating health problems of old age. The possibility that obesity today will lead to higher rates of dementia in the future is, therefore, deeply alarming.

The obvious question is: can obesity-associated brain damage be reversed? No one knows the answer, but I am hopeful that it can. Those two old friends, a healthful diet and plenty of exercise, have repeatedly been shown to protect the brain. Foods like oily fishes and blueberries have been shown to stimulate the growth of new neurons, for example. Moreover, one study found that dieting reversed some of the changes to brain structure found among the obese. Which suggests an interesting study. The most effective — and radical — treatment for obesity is bariatric surgery, whereby the stomach is made much smaller or bypassed altogether. Do people who have taken this option show a reversal, or at least a slowing, of brain atrophy?

But whether you are fat or thin, young or old, the best hope you have of guarding your brain is to eat well and exercise. Anyone seen my running shoes?

So there it is people. All the reason more to get your behind healthy. I don’t know about you but I have way too many things to accomplish and see on this earth. I will not allow obesity to keep me from accomplishing them. To all of you following me on this journey. Keep fighting against your laziness and stay strong. I love you all dearly.

I must break you

Do you remember the movie Rocky IV when Apollo had to fight the Russian named Drago?  Before the first round in the center of the ring? Drago towering over him and he tell’s Apollo, “You will lose”. Sure enough, not only did Apollo lose, he was slaughtered to his death in that fight. Man, I remember crying when that happened. I couldn’t believe it. Apollo is taken out. I went into the bathroom to shed my tears so no one saw me crying. I was pissed at Russia…I mean…Drago. I wanted to go into the movie and unload a full AK47 clip on his behind. You didn’t think I was going to say get in the ring and fight him did you? I may be crazy but I’m not stupid..umm… remember…he killed Apollo in the ring. What could I possibly do in the ring as a teenager against him? But anyway, we can’t forget the big final fight between the USA and Russia…..sorry…did it again..I mean…Rocky and Drago. There they are at center ring. Rocky wearing Apollo’s boxing trunks looking like an infant compared to Drago’s height and build. Then the words that Drago said to Rocky in that broken Russian accent,”I must break you”. Man! I was feeling really concerned for Rocky at that moment. I remember it was an emotional roller coaster watching that fight. Drago would get some good hits in and then Rocky would get some good shots in himself. Back and forth they went. Pounding on each other like mad men. But we know the outcome. Rocky wins but after a very difficult and bloody fight.  Before they fought, they spent weeks in intensive training. Rocky trained using natural resources out in the brute cold without any fancy modern weights. Drago trained inside a modern state of the art facility. They both new a lot was riding on this fight. They both had the sense to train hard in order to achieve the outcome they desired. Well, I feel like Rocky in the sense of being in the center of the ring looking at this giant named laziness and its telling me that it will break me. I know that exercise is absolutely necessary for obtaining the goals I want to reach but I just have no motivation. Just don’t feel like doing it at all. Not even for 5 minutes. What the heck is wrong with me?  I now trying to each right is not enough. But I am not motivated. I can’t seem to have the mindset that Rocky had while training in the extreme cold. He knew without training he can’t win. I just can’t seem to get there. I know what needs to get done, but I just don’t feel like doing it. I feel like this is my last fight. If it’s not now, then losing weight will never happen. I have to change my mindset. I have to fight the good fight. I can’t allow this giant to defeat me. I have to keep pressing and not give up. I know that I can do this. I just have to start slow that’s all. Just like Rocky had to take a beating, so do I. But if Rocky can stick it out and become triumphant in the end, so can I. For all of you out there following me on this journey and facing your enemy, let me tell you that I know you will win in the end. We can do this! I love you all and be encouraged. Fight the good fight!



There’s no party in my tummy

First off let me start off by saying I am sorry for the delays in my post. It is very hard for me to post everyday to my blog because I have 3 kids at age 1, 8, and 9. So while the Mrs. is getting things done around the house and running errands to pick up the necessities, I am holding the fort down. By the time everyone is asleep I am exhausted.  But anyway….I have nothing new to report other than I AM SO FREAKIN’ HUNGRY RIGHT NOW! OMG…I can eat a whole pizza right now with a side of breadsticks and half a 2 liter Coke. Or I can eat 20 hot wings mild with a side of cheese fries and half a 2 liter Pepsi (I am an equal opportunity cola drinker, I don’t discriminate). Or, I can go for a thick juicy cheeseburger with lettuce, tomato, onions, pickles, ketchup, mayo, mustard, on a thick burger bun with a side of jalapeno poppers and a chocolate shake. Or a chili and cheese hot dog with a large Coke and 2..count them…2 apple pies from Checkers. Have you ever had those apple pies from Checkers? OMG, three words to describe them….DA BOMB DIGGITY!! Hold on for just a second……..I literally just drooled on my keyboard and now I have to clean it….hold on….uhgjkasl’;iwabsn;lvkpj…..ok cleaned. So anyway, I have been really hungry. I know this is crunch time and its going to be like this for a while until I am fully disciplined. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. It’s amazing how food can take control of you like that. When I was

My drool on the keyboard

Drool on keyboard

eating what I wanted whenever I wanted nothing bothered me. But now, every freakin’ thing I see is food. It also doesn’t help when I pull out of my apartment complex and turn right there is Square One burger restaurant  (phenomenal burgers by the way), Wendy’s, Moe’s, Casa De Pizza, Ruby Tuesdays, Jersey Mike’s subs (OMG they are off the chizzain!!), Carrabba’s Italian Grill, and they are building a Buffalo Wild Wings . All of these are less than a quarter mile away from me. If I turn left from my apartment complex there is a McDonald’s, Burger King, Taco Bell, KFC, Outback Steakhouse, Chili’s, Checkers, and Applebee’s. Those are less than 2 miles away from me. So now when I drive by these places I have to really restrain myself. It’s like the steering wheel just takes over and tries to pull into these places and I have to keep the wheel straight. I just have these huge cravings now like never before. For example, we all went to church tonight at 6pm and the boys haven’t had there dinner yet. So when we got home at 8pm, my wife had put 2 personal DiGiornio pizzas in the oven for them…pepperoni. When they came out of the oven and my wife gave them to my 2 boys, it looked and smelled so so delicious. I wanted to eat those two pizzas very badly. I started to think of ways I can take them away from them. Like, hey, it’s late, past your bed time, go brush your teeth and go to bed. I will put your pizza’s back in the fridge and you can have them tomorrow. Of course that was a complete lie. As soon as I heard the last child lay his head on that pillow I was going to devour those pizzas like the velociraptors did to that poor cow in Jurassic Park…and yes..make the same sounds they did while I was eating. I thought of waiting for them to do or say something bad so I can send them off to bed with no dinner. Or maybe accidentally hitting there plate so it falls on the ground and awww……my bad boys… sorry….I will pick them up off the floor and throw them away because they are dirty now and we don’t eat anything that falls on the floor. But I would make believe I threw them away and sneak in the bathroom, lock the door, and eat in silence trying not to make pleasurable sounds while I chew on each bite. But I couldn’t bring myself to do those things. I have to stay strong. Be an example for my kids. It was hard though, but I did it. You see, my daughter watches Nick Jr. a alot. There is

Yo Gabba Gabba

Yo Gabba Gabba

this one show called Yo Gabba Gabba (DJ Lance Rock gives me the creeps by the way) that comes on and my one year old daughter loves it because she likes to dance now. There is this one song they sing once in a while called “There’s a party in my tummy” and every time I hear it now I want to throw the closest thing I can grab at the tv. I hate that song now because their hasn’t been a party in my tummy for 9 days now. I hope these craving will go away soon. I know in the end it will be worth it. For those of you following me on this journey and feeling the same way I do, just hold on. Stay strong. Remind yourself why you are doing this. See yourself the way you want to look and feel when you reach your goal. Stay focused. I love you all.  I believe in you and we can do this!!

If anyone who has been following me since the beginning will realize that I have not talked about one thing that I consider to be a curse word. To me, at the moment and I know this will change as time goes by, this word is a foul disgusting and offensive word. That word is Exercise. The reason why I have not been mentioning this foul activity is I have not done it yet. I hate exercising. That’s why I haven’t been doing it for 15 years. I hate it. Can’t stand it. Despise it. Dread it. Makes me nauseous thinking about it. Are you beginning to see my point? But it has to be done. I know that trying to eat well is not good enough for the results that I want. It would be a waste of time for me to eat well but not exercise. I have never been motivated to exercise. But I am tired of having to sit down and take a breath after climbing 10 steps. I am tired of keeping my kids hostage inside the house in a city where people come to tour and visit its beaches because it feels like too much effort to get the baby’s bag ready, get her dressed, make sure the boys are dressed, take them out to the van, buckle the baby in her car seat, drive anywhere whether it be a park or beach,  change the baby’s diaper while we are out, feed the baby food, bring the kids back into the van, buckle the baby back in her car seat, drive back home, take the baby and grab the baby bag, walk with the baby back to the house, and etc.. That would be too much work for me. But the poor kids suffer because of me and my laziness. They didn’t ask for that. It’s not their fault. But you see, me being overweight and lazy has caused me to become selfish. It’s all about me staying comfortable and not doing anything. How awful and pitiful that is. Sometimes I just can’t stand myself but I have had no effort

This is easy

This is going to be easy

in trying to change until 6 days ago. To see the kids light up when daddy comes and plays with them. To find out that they don’t really want to watch tv or play video games but they want to go out and play. How much better for their imaginations to grow outside than being stuck inside. So that’s one of the many reasons I have decided to face the pain that will come over the coming weeks and exercise. In fact, I started this afternoon. While the baby was asleep in her crib, and the boys where in their room doing something mischievous, I decided to take advantage of the free exercise videos that are “ON DEMAND” supplied by my cable provider. Hmm, lets see, no not that one, no not that one, definitely not that one, no time for that one, no equipment for that one, ok Charles, stop stalling and choose one already.

The 20 minute cardio workout

The 20 minute cardio workout

Here’s one! Cardio sweat workout for 20 minutes. That’s perfect.  How hard could this one be? Room cleared, check. Work out clothes on, check. Towel for the immediate sweat that will begin to pour from every pore of my skin, check. OK, press play. Not bad. If this is all it is, I can handle this. After 5 minutes, still not bad. This is doable. This is easy! Why haven’t I been doing this? What is there to be scared of? Ok, hit the 10 minute mark, still not too…wait a minute…what is she doing? Why is she starting to slowly speed up….wait….slow down…OMG lady….your killing me…slow down…no I don’t want to do that….OH my legs, yep the legs….OH sweet Jesus please time hurry up…hurry up…dear God, please by some miracle let me open my eyes and see that there is only less than a minute left… in Jesus name….WHAT !?! 12 minute mark? Omg I’m going to die, going to die I tell you…I can feel anything right now….TV…please break down now, don’t work anymore…please..I can’t take this…I knew I shouldn’t have done this….oh man…finally…20 minute mark. I immediately collapsed on the floor…closed my eyes…yelled for the boys…told them that I loved them and that I have been proud of them since their birth. I told them to take care of their sister when she woke up…Tell mommy I said I love her with all my heart…and I will see them on streets of gold in heaven because this is where I am going to lay down and die. That 20 minutes kicked my fat behind. That was painful. But as time went by today, I

OMG I want to die!

OMG I want to die!

had energy like I have never felt before. I felt good. I felt as if I could run a marathon. Like from the kitchen to the bedroom. You thought I was going to say some type of 5k run or something didn’t you? Na, I aint there yet. But I felt good. I know I am going to feel it in the morning but that is ok. That lets me know that I am doing it right. My first breakthrough in 15 years. I exercised today and strangely, I can’t wait to do it again tomorrow. Maybe I will do the walk a mile workout on demand tomorrow. Oh well, I will definitely choose something. That’s the key, doing something instead of nothing. For all  of you who are in the struggle with me, no pain, no gain. You have to exercise. You have to get the blood circulating again. Don’t be so lazy and just do it!!  I love you all.

Where the voice came from

Where the voice came from

After slipping on my mask last night and laying down to sleep (I have sleep apnea which requires me to sleep with a machine to help me take in more air) I was hoping to get a full nights rest. Ahh, so nice and comfy, air is on so low you can hang meat from the ceiling, getting nice and toasty under the blanket. There I go, on my way to la la land with a non-stop one way ticket. Until I heard kind of like a whisper calling my name from the kitchen. It kinda startled me because everyone is in bed asleep. Could it be one of my kids? “Charles”, there it is again! What the heck? That voice is too deep to be one of the kids. Darn it! Did I leave the front door unlocked and some crook is checking door knobs in my apartment complex to find one open to come in and jack my stuff? No, wait, I definitely locked the door, I remembered to do so before turning off the living room lamp. “Charles”, there’s that whisper again!  Am I dreaming? Let me pinch myself real quick, OUCH! No, I’m not dreaming. OK, I am going to get out of bed, tiptoe to my bedroom closet, and grab my bat to inflict some RBI’s if I have too. Yea, RBI’s, Real Bad Injuries. “Charles”..that’s it, I’m done, time to go into the kitchen area and start swinging blindly. I slowly step out of my bedroom, back to the wall, you know, like in stealth mode. Ok, exiting the bedroom heading right to the kitchen where the voice is. SQEEEEEK!! Darn, stepped on one of my daughter’s toys. I know my cover is blown now. Just going to go kamikaze, turn on kitchen light and swing….  No one here. Just me. But where did that whisper come….”Charles”…”Open me”.  What the!! It’s coming from inside the refrigerator! OK, with bat in hand, I slowly open up the fridge.”Hello” said the leftover platter of fatty foods my kids ate in the middle rack next to the half cut green pepper. “Just throw me in the microwave and eat. Come on, you know you want to. I could hear your stomach growling in the bedroom from here. Don’t forget the sweets on the counter next to the microwave either. Come on, you can do it. I know your hungry.” Man!! It’s not bad enough I have to hear your voice during the day but now at night? You see, It’s been 6 days since I have started this quest and I am getting hungrier than a mug everyday that passes. My stomach is pissed off at me. It has teamed up with my mind to try and get me to give in like it has so many other times before. I am literally talking to myself out loud now trying not to eat things I should know better to. What a fight. But I know if I can stick this round out now, I will score more points in the coming rounds. Like I said before, it will get easier and easier to not give in if I keep myself from giving in and giving up. Now is the time to make better decisions when It comes to eating at home and eating out. It’s not easy. Especially when everyone around you is eating whatever they want. Every second, every minute, every hour, every day is a struggle for me now. I just need to hold on and not give up like I always have in the past. I want to eat the chocolate chip cookies and Hershey Kisses that are staring at me from the kitchen right now. Like, I want to stop typing and go and eat them, NOW! But I’m not. I am learning to discipline myself right now. I can do this. I will do this. I will make it. It will get easier if I resist and don’t

Make better decisions

Make better decisions

give in now. For all of you in the same struggle. Don’t give in. Fight! If you slip and give in. Don’t beat yourself up. Tomorrow is another day. A fresh start. I’m not perfect. There may be a post someday when I will slip. But that’s ok. I will just get back up and keep going. Like the Apostle Paul said in Philippians 3:14, “I press toward the mark for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Boy, am I pressing!

Adventure Island

So, If you want to know if your over your self-consciousness about how you look, Just go to a water park during the hottest times of the year. That’s what the family and I did yesterday. Not to check on my self-consciousness but we have seasonal passes to any Busch themed park thanks to my father who works at Sea World in Orlando. We loaded up the mini van and headed to Adventure Island in Tampa, FL for the second time in a week. I have never liked water parks too much only because I wasn’t happy with the way I looked. Although there are many different shapes and sizes of people there you can’t help to notice only the ones who are physically fit. You know, the guy who has the six pack abs coming out of the wave pool wiping his hair with his hand from front to back to keep the water from coming on his face. You see the women around him staring at him in approval of his physique. Or how about the women who know they look good in a bikini and the guys all around are following them like a tiger ready to pounce on its victim if she just gives them a hint she’s interested. Well, I’m fat and lazy period. Being exposed to the sun all day doesn’t give me thrills. Neither does walking from one end of the park to the other trying to keep up with my kids because they are anxious to get on the next ride doesn’t thrill me either. But I have to stop being selfish and think about my children and do things with them that are fun whether I like it or not. The first time we went I haven’t decided to change my lifestyle yet. I was cranky, upset, bothered, and a whole lot of other things. I was very conscious of how I looked and wanted to stay in any water that was above my neck and stay there all day. Getting out of the water was another thing I didn’t like because I wear a basketball jersey when I go to parks like this. Walking out of the water with a basketball tank top on clinging to EVERY curve on your upper body. As if the tank top would somehow cover me up and make me look less overweight. Child please. Anyway, my two boys wanted to go on a water slide with them so I said ok. We began to climb up the path to the entrance. I just happened to glance at the ride requirements and the first thing on the list was no one over 250 lbs could ride. So I let the kids go by themselves and I headed back down the path away from the entrance thinking that the people passing me to go on this ride would know why I am heading back. Then, we selected another slide, this one with a tube. Ok, lets read this ride requirement. #1 on the list, no one over 250lbs, and I just stopped reading. If that wasn’t disappointing enough we go to eat lunch at one of there restaurants and I have to sit sideways to eat because the picnic style table doesn’t  accommodate large people like me. I was so done. Ready to go home. But I tried to make the best of it for my wife and kids. Now, yesterday was a complete different story. I couldn’t wait to go and have fun with my family. Now that I have been trying to make better eating decisions and changing my life, I had a completely different attitude. I didn’t care what people thought of me when they looked at me. I didn’t mind walking from one end of the park to the other because I just said to myself that this is a good way to get a little exercise. I also made a better decision when it was time to eat. Instead of the cheese steak, fries, and super large Pepsi, I got a turkey wrap substituted my fries for a cup of grapes and a bottled water. I felt completely different afterwards compared to how I felt last time I ate here. It’s amazing how even your attitude changes when you decide to eat better. I had a great day with the family yesterday and even though I weighed too much to get on certain rides, I made sure to take advantage of the ones I could get on and have fun. Until next time my friends and family. To all of you trying to change your lifestyle, You can do it!!! I love you all.

Breakfast: 1 cup of special K cereal with fat free milk, banana

Lunch: Turkey wrap, cup of grapes, bottled water

Dinner: ground turkey in a wrap, water with squeezed lemon and lime

It’s all about discipline

The new McDonald's Maple Fruit and Walnut oatmeal cup

The new McDonald's Fruit and Maple oatmeal cup

Well I am back from the doctors. My wife and I have some important things to do today. We have enrolled our kids into a private school and there’s some paperwork and a check that they are needing today so off we go. We load up the kids in the minivan and head to the bank to get a certified check for the school. The kids have already eaten while I was away at the doctors and my wife new that I haven’t eaten yet because of the fast so she suggested that I should get something from McDonald’s that’s conveniently  located right next to our bank. I thought yea! I’ll get my favorite, 2 Egg McMuffins, or 1 Egg McMuffin and a Deluxe Breakfast with the pancakes and a large Coke, light on the ice. Can’t have ice taking up all the volume in the cup and not leaving room for the Coke. I mean really. I was amazed on how quickly I forgot the great feeling I had leaving the doctors office.  That’s what I would normally eat every time I bought breakfast there. That would be my” light” breakfast, yes, I said” light”, if my wife was with me. If I had the van to myself and no one was with me, I would add a Sausage Egg and cheese McMuffin with that order along with a medium Coke. Yes, another soda and breakfast sandwich. I would eat the Sausage Egg and cheese McMuffin and drink the medium Coke before I got home. I would throw the evidence away in an outside trash container somewhere near my house and proceed home. Then, once I am home, I would give out whatever the family ordered, and then I would eat my “light breakfast”. That’s what happens when you don’t have discipline in your life. Being disciplined is going to be a critical part of your life if you want to lose weight. It is something that you have to learn immediately. If you can’t learn to discipline yourself, then you might as well forget it. You will lose every battle of temptation to gorge yourself with food when its around. But remember what I said on my last post, its time for me to stop memorizing scripture and start letting it help me in this part of my life. So now, when I am tempted I remember 1st Corinthians 10:13 which says, ” No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” I had absolutely no discipline. I have eaten myself to the point of having food coma’s for so many years, I did’t know how to tell when I was full and to stop. To me, I wasn’t full until I slipped into a food coma and had to sleep, immediately. That’s what happens when you have no discipline. I know that if I would just cut my portions down to normal like having 1 cheeseburger instead of 2, or 1 slice of pizza instead of a whole freakin’ pie, 1 hot dog instead of 3 or 4, I would be in good shape. But now, because I have been undisciplined for so many years, I can’t have those things at all anymore. I need drastic change. Maybe when I reach my goal weight of 180, I will have the “normal” amount of those things but until then…I am having none of that stuff. So now I am at the drive thru ordering spot and I am only ordering for me because everyone has already eaten. As the car in front of me places their order, I hear the theme song for Rocky playing in my head and the fight between my stomach and mind begins. What to get, what to get. My wife knows now that I am trying to lose weight so I can’t get my usual. Maybe I will get my usual but tell her I won’t eat it all at once. I will spread it out through the morning. Yea, that’s it. No, that won’t work. Ok car in front of me, take your time, don’t rush your order, think about what you want because I am fighting over here. I really didn’t know what else McD’s offered. I had always got the usual. Ok, the car ahead of me is pulling up. My turn to order. Ok, maybe if I order the usual but stick my head out of the car window far enough so my wife can’t hear me and I speak softly I can get away with it. Then I can start devouring most of my food in the parking lot while she is inside the bank getting the certified check. Then when she comes out, I would have eaten more than half of the food and she won’t know what I got. “Thank you for coming to McDonalds, may I take your order please?” Darn, what to do, what to get. Look at the menu Charles, get something sensible. Something you won’t regret. When I looked up at the drive thru menu board, there it was. The Fruit and Maple oatmeal cup. How bad could that be. It doesn’t look big. I use to like oatmeal when I was younger and that was just plain oatmeal. This had to be better. Oatmeal must have progressed by now when it comes to taste, right? I mean, this had fruit in it and walnuts so this has to be good. Ok, that’s what I’ll get. “Anything else?”,  said the voice behind the barely working speaker. Come on say it, SAY IT!! You know you want a large Coke with that, you know it. For some reason, McDonalds Coca Cola is like liquid crack to me. If I don’t have it after a while I wind up looking like the character Chris Rock played in the movie New Jack City. I think his name was “Pookie”. You know, when he was holding that crack pipe in the fetal position with tears rolling down his eyes rocking back and forth. Yea, that’s what I look like when I haven’t had soda for a while. “NO, that will be it”. Uttering those words were the hardest thing I had to do. But I did it. When I opened up the bag and saw how small the oatmeal cup was, I was like, are you kidding me? Really? I could eat 6 of these easy. But no, It’s time to discipline myself. To my surprise, the oatmeal was fantastic. I was really surprised on how good it tasted. They give you a little package of brown sugar to go with it but I didn’t use it. It tasted just fine without it. I was so proud of myself. Yes I could have still eaten a horse after I was done. But I was happy and content. I lived out another biblical scripture and it comes from 1st Corinthians 9:27 which says, “But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.”  So please remember my friends and family who are also on this journey, you MUST learn to discipline yourself. If you do, overcoming temptation will become easier and easier. I love you all.

The Evil Digital Scale

My old new friend

Wow! What a tough morning and afternoon. Had to fast last night and not eat after 8pm because I had to get some blood work done to see how the meds are working for me. I could have eaten 3 bowls of cereal with a PB&J sandwich on the side and drink the milk from the cereal bowel to wash it down but I restrained myself. Luckily I only had time to take my meds, grab and bring my new best friend with me while I head out the door. Yea, my new best friend.  We met about 3 years ago when he was given to me as a gift from my old employer. I neglected my friend and put him in a box to never see daylight again. I stumbled upon my new old  friend yesterday, when I was looking for a container to carry water in and bring it with me everywhere I  go from now on. I have made the decision to drink only water, or water with lemon and lime in it. No more sodas, juices, Gatorades, or Powerades. Just water from now on. So  there he was, excited, but at the same time I could tell that the light was discomforting him since he had been hidden for so long. After a nice bath, I opened him up and put some ice in along with some water. Since the doctors office opens at 8am and my appointment was for 8am, I was the first one in. As I sit and wait I know the procedure, they call your name, you go through the door, and BAM!! They lead you right to the scale before proceeding to the room wear you wait for the doctor. But maybe today will be different. Maybe she will forget to weigh me and lead me right to the room. “Charles Bailey…is there a Charles Bailey here?” said the voice coming from a twenty something year old female with blonde hair and a tan. She looks like she exercises every single day and could be a model if she wanted to. So now I am hoping she definitely walks me by the scale. So I get up and follow her through the door and sure enough, there it is in the distance. I began to hear the theme music from the movie Jaws play in my head as we get closer. Come on, walk by it, walk by it. Then I heard the words I didn’t want to hear, “Can you please step on the scale so we can get your weight?”  “Sure” I said with a smile but inside I was dying. She told me that the scale was brand new. It’s digital for a more accurate read. Thanks lady, that makes me feel so much better. So I step up on it and it starts at 210, man, you know your in trouble when the scale doesn’t even start you in the 100’s. Then 230, 250, 275, 300, by now I thinking will you hurry the hell up and get there already? 325, 350, 360, 371 and then a loud BEEEEEEEEEP!  Hey lady, can you lower the sound on that so everyone who walks by doesn’t look at the scale because of the beep? Thanks. WOW, 371, I knew I weighed a lot but man, 371. Don’t beat yourself up Charles, your going to do this. Now you know what you weigh, lets get it done. No more beating yourself up and calling yourself a failure. Your gonna do this and You know this… MAN (in my Smokey voice from the movie Friday)! Now I am waiting for the doctor. He says that my blood pressure is almost normal because of the meds. He also said something I didn’t expect. “Mr. Bailey, it also looks like you have lost 5 pounds since your last visit.” I had asked him to say that again since I thought I heard him wrong, even though he was less than a foot away from me. “You have lost 5 pounds.” I couldn’t believe it. It was such a good thing to hear. I was thinking that this was a great start for me. Already losing weight and not even trying to yet. I was so happy. Now, on to the next room to take some blood from me and then I’m out. I was in such aww, I did’t even feel the needle pinch me as they filled up the two little containers with my blood. I left the office almost skipping. The picture below was taken today when I got back for the doctors. Now, If any of you know me, I hate pictures of me for obvious reason. I think cameras are from the devil. Maybe that will change when I reach my goal weight of 180 but for now, I rebuke you  cameras! The simple fact that I will be posting pictures of me on this blog should let you know that I am serious about changing my lifestyle and becoming healthy. Hear I come 180! Only 191 more pounds to go. OMG!! 191 POUNDS!! Sweet baby Jesus! Now is the time to allow scripture to encourage me and not only memorize it, but live it because God knows I am going to need it. Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Now, home to pick up the wife and kids and run some errands.

Me at my start weight on 8/5/11...371lbs